Monthly Archive for August, 2007

10 Ways to be an Undercover Ninja Otaku in School!

We all know anime is a shameful hobby and as respectable college students, we must strive to hide all signs of our inner otakuness. You surely don’t want the hot chick from Life Sciences or the cute girl from Statistics and Applied Probablity to think you are a NEET with a 2D complex right? But how do we hide this unmistakably distinct stench of nerdiness? Is it even possible? Riuva teaches you how to be a Ninja otaku!

1. Make friends with people who don’t know anime. As many as possible.
Don’t shun others just because they like only Naruto or worse, don’t know who Range Murata is. It’s imperative that you gain lots of friends who do not know anime at all actually, as this is exactly like covering yourself with leaves and twigs for jungle camouflage. If your friends are all the anime-clueless sort, nobody will guess that you like the sissy Japanese cartoons. Your secret will be safe.

2. When your friends (assuming you have them since you will have followed step 1) are deciding where to eat, do not demand the group go to somewhere a) Japanese or b) maid or c) dirt cheap so you have more money for merchandise.
Normal people don’t really have much things to spend their cash on, so they foolishly fritter it away on disposable items such as food. But since we need to pretend to be normal, we must join them in throwing cash down the alimentary canal. Bear with it!! If you eat well, you will be less likely to be spotted as an otaku.

3. Set your cellphone ringtone to something instrumental.
You do not want to kill off your own uniqueness, so we’ll still keep the anime-ish ringtone. But instead of Motteku Sailorfuku, how about some classy instrumental music instead? I’m currently using Guns and Roses, the OP of Baccano, which is kinda jazzy. I was using the boss battle theme of FFVI for a couple of months. My message tone is the victory tone of FF tactics, which is obscure enough and still sound great. Generally, soundtracks and BGMs work well.

4. Set your laptop wallpaper to a logo bereft of anime characters.
I recommend the Riuva series of wallpapers, they may have anime-styled characters, but done tastefully in the RangeMurata style. A moe-mongering wallpaper of perhaps Konata upskirts is a sure sign of an otaku, so change it to something more discrete.

5. Deny knowing anime unless the questioner first identifies his cred.
You have to say the standard phrase of denial, "What is anime? Is it HENTAI? YOU WATCH JAP PORN haha" or "Sorry, not interested in Pokemon." if the person who asks is a stranger or someone who does not appear to know anime. Don’t give this response if you feel the other party could be an undercover ninja otaku as well. Other ninja otakus will secretly and subtly identify their faction, through hints. For example, if I were speaking to LianYL for the first time and he wishes to confirm if I also liked Gintama, he would hum the tune of GIN IRO NO SORA, the bestest OP in the world. I would then harmonise in the same octave, thus erasing all doubt of misidentification.

6. Memorise some smokescreen hobbies to help in self-intros.
Knowing the first year of college involves lots of self-introductions where people judge you based on your hobbies, be prepared with a list of fake hobbies to share when it’s your turn to speak up. You must have extensive knowledge in these fake hobbies lest people get suspicious. For me, I normally pick "football" as my hobby and sometimes "web publishing". But if you really feel the need to launch a beacon of identification such that other ninja otaku can spot you, say something like "My favourite bands are redballoon, Baseball Bear, Uverworld, Snowkel and Orange Range". These sound really mainstream and safe yet any ninja otaku worth his salt would recognise these having the common pattern of all bands who have anime OPs/EDs.

7. Dress normally.
Normal is not what you think is normal, but what OTHERS think is normal. Haruhi shirts, SOS-dan armbands, maid costumes are not normal, despite what we think.

8. Do not join the anime club.

Obviously, trying to be a ninja otaku in an anime club is like going to Church with two flaming torches and singing "Red Fraction". I did join the anime club but I tell my friends it’s the "Animation Society" where we analyse animations.

9. Stay clear of grunt otakus.
The grunt otaku is someone who has a very rudimentary knowledge in anime, possibly one from the BT boom. He watches the usual mainstream popular series and is dying to discuss it. True ninja otaku normally get sucked into a conversation with these guys and we’ll obviously slay them with our razor sharp knowledge. But the trouble is, the otaku need to show off our otaku knowledge and level up other otakus make the non-otakus realise that we are really otakus. This has happened to me lots of times. I just cannot resist the urge to engage in conversation about anime.

10. Get a girlfriend.
If you can’t find one, buy some artificial vaginas from Jlist.com. Link below.

[LianYL] BS1152 Module Tutorial Question

Okay guys, as most of you know, I was recently matriculated into RIUVA, short for Research Institute for Unicultural Visual Arts. As I am studying in this rather prestigious Institute/College in Singapore, my first year modules are rather difficult to handle.

However, the easiest of my currently reading modules is labelled as BS1152: Inane Calculus in Anime. I am usually rather confident of my tutorial answers until my tutor told me today that one of the assignment questions would be graded. GRADED! That’s certainly much more pressurising than usual. So I’ve decided to post my answer to the question up here for you guys to check for me before I submit it.

Question:

Determine the fan mood value in the Singapore local anime industry if the number of productions in the sample is given to be 142.
*Moé factor fm = 3.14159 is to be taken into consideration during calculation.

And here are my calculations:

RVA Answer

Please do help me check through my answer and inform me of any errors. Your help is greatly appreciated!

Not.