10000 BC has a bunch of monkey men speaking English. There are mammoths and pyramids at the same place. There is ironsmithing and there are bone spears, at the same time. The saber-tooth tiger appears for 4 seconds. The girl dies only to be revived by some weirdass deus ex machina. I hate this show. The action sucks, there is no logic and the CGI is terrible.
Koizora was marketed here as a show which made 11 million people cry in Japan. CRY WITH PAIN AND HATRED I SAY!! CRY AT THEIR WASTE OF MONEY!! CRY AT THE DECADENT MORAL STANDARDS OF MODERN JAPANESE SOCIETY!! CRY AT WHY WOMEN ARE FUCKING STUPID!! CRY AT WHY JAPANESE CANNOT ACT FOR NUTS!!
Ok that above was the review summarised. Unlike some who thought the show was good. Double probably thinks porn has a good storyline.
For the benefit of those who didn’t see the show I shall summarise its plot.
Beautiful girl-next-door goes to high school. Her cell phone is stolen by a punkish bleached hair boy. The punk, Hiro, deletes all her messages and contacts and calls her, stalking her for 1 day with nameless phone calls. Girl next door Mika thinks stalking is romantic. Hiro is fucking way too slick for his own good and it really pisses me off to see girls too stupid to realise that when guys are that slick, it means they have done it way too many times and are not being sincere at all. Princess agrees and hates Hiro immensely.
Hiro spouts cheesy rehearsed lines non-stop with the same old expression. He reminds me of Derek Zoolander and his Blue Steel, always the same facial expression and people call that ACTING lol. Japanese males can’t act at all, all they can do is pose their best angle for the camera and look pretty while silly Japanese women swoon over them. I also hate his hairstyle.
His hairstyle is so perfect and well-groomed you cannot bloody take Hiro seriously at all. In scenes, where he appears to be sad and crying, HIS HAIR LOOKS LIKE 2 HOURS HAS BEEN SPENT STYLING IT. Compare this to say, PS I Love You where Gerard Butler looks so natural, Japanese sure are fucked up.
Before they’ve even gone on a date, Hiro commands Mika to go to his house and "eat lunch", where "lunch" refers to his penis. So they have sex!! Hello, 16-year olds?? Mika is the stupidest girl ever. The catch is that this Hiro guy dumped his old girlfriend for Mika because Mika is hotter. I suppose Japanese think this is romantic.
The spurned girl, forgot her name, then hires a bunch of guys to rape Mika. How did they get to her? Because fool Hiro asked Mika to meet him in a field so secluded no one could hear her screams of help. The problem is, Hiro never ever takes the blame for anything, the bastard. If it wasn’t for him and his lust, the dumb Mika would never have been raped. Yet Hiro acts all mighty and angry.
Then to soothe her raped girlfriend, he wants to kiss and have more sex. This must be romantic in Japan. Next time, if I see a raped girl in Japan, I will ask for sex to soothe her pain.
And one day, Mika finds out she is pregnant. Hiro then declares that he will marry her and quit school to work. Mika is from a rather middle to upper class family, with a really nice dad. Poor dad finds out his precious daughter is going to marry a useless, lusty and disgusting narcissist. I felt so sad for the dad. Man, I hate these pretty boys. The worst part is Hiro can’t even talk politely to Dad.
Those of you who don’t know Japanese might not notice, but throughout the show, Hiro talks like a stupid gangster/punk and it is fucking annoying. Even when he has to lower his head and beg Dad to let him marry Mika, he still talks as if he deserves her and Dad is being a prick. Poor dad.
Meanwhile, old jealous girlfriend beats the shit out of Mika and gets her a miscarriage. So much for Hiro and his constant "I WILL PROTECT YOUSS", he’s never here when she needs help, probably STYLING HIS FUCKING HAIR.
After the baby is gone, they build a little tomb for it at the park. Hiro then organises some party where he sexes up some random girl and starts ignoring Mika. Mika is very sad. She meets this new guy, Yu, who is from university unlike Hiro who thinks studying is a waste of time he would rather style his hair.
Yu is such a dear, he is like the typical Korean male lead. Sweet, charming, interesting, intelligent, caring, courteous, has good self-control and a car. Mika’s parents are divorcing and Yu does some really sweet and courteous stuff that brings Mika’s entire family back together. Mika enters the same uni as him and he always tutors her. But stupid Mika never stops thinking of the hairstyle boy. Yu proposes to Mika and she accepts but in like, 15 minutes, decides that she wants Hiro instead and runs off, dropping the ring. Yu really gets the short end of the stick here. Women prefer bad boys obviously.
She runs off because someone told her Hiro has cancer and is dying. From here on, what happens is open to interpretation but my version cynically differs from most others.
Most others: Hiro knows he has cancer and thus makes Mika go away on purpose so she wouldn’t be sad.
My version: Hiro wants to fuck more girls and makes Mika go away. When he gets some bad STD like AIDS, he decides that he needs someone to peel apples and live out his last days with him and tells Mika that he made her go away on purpose to prevent her from being sad.
And Hiro later dies, not being providing much product placement for Canon or Fuji, I can’t remember. But there’s more! To signify he has cancer, the fucker wears a stupid beanie hat! The shape of the hat gives away that the actor didn’t shave his head at all! Not to mention his perfectly trimmed and plucked eyebrows are ever present!! Surely chemotherapy would remove all the hair? BAD BAD ACTOR. He doesn’t even want to look unglamourous on his deathbed.
What a shit show. And worse, its pacing was terrible and an extreme 2 hours 30 minutes or so. Throughout the movie, I was constantly moaning, grumbling and slamming the actors and plot. I shook my head so much people must have thought I ingested ecstasy pills. DO NOT WATCH THIS AT ALL COSTS.
As for Step Up 2, it is a typical sports movie where the underdog wins with her motley crue of social rejects. Thing is, I really dig such shows. That’s why I like sports shows like Major, Slam Dunk, Ookiku Furikabutte, Capeta etc. The dance moves are awesome despite me not being a fan of hip hop and breakdancing in general. I think I’m going to sign up for salsa classes. WATCH THIS. The geeky Moose guy is cool, I like him.