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Guest Post by… the G Man! On EMOOOO…

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Those who frequent this site might have seen a certain quirky commenter who constantly signs off with the hilarious, "I AM G-MAN!!". The same person wants to upgrade his status from being an intrepid commenter to a full-fledged anime co-blogger, and thus in this guest post, will show off his l33t skills.

G-Man is from New York, like the JP Meyer and owner Hinano. He claims to be very interested in the dark arts of chemistry, philosophy, history and economics, and is in the final year of his undergraduate studies, which makes him the most educated of the Riuva writers, if he gets in, that is.

So here goes G-Man on, "Why are Emo characters cool…."

***********************

I’m a genius…yes..behold the unfathomable cognitive ability that makes the most gifted Mensa attendees cower in complete perturbation! Behold! I have unraveled the paradox that has confounded the mind of man for centuries. And what is this paradox you say? What is this arcane science that I, and I alone, have deciphered? If you think yourself worthy ascertaining the answer and clandestine fellowship, I will tell you. The truth of why Emo characters are so cool!! Say what you may, but our movies, animes., mangas and plays wouldn’t be the same if it weren’t for those angsty, melodramatic, self-loathing emos who are the source of a quick plot when all real creativity goes on the back burner. "I hate mankind because my mommy never breastfeed me!"

No seriously, think about it? Most protagonist and nearly all of the best antagonist in story telling history have either been completely emo or kinda emo. You who deny this behold the record! Look at ancient Greece, who is one of the most famous of heroes? Is it not Achilles who wept perceptively to his mommy because Agamemnon stole his toy (slave same diff). And what about the pen of Shakespeare? Who single handedly ingrained the concept of the emo villain (Iago), or Hero (Romeo) (maybe), in the scroll of western literary or story telling tradition forever. Still don’t believe me!? Why is Naruto and Bleach so popular? Is not because of their all star emo line up? I mean anime is just teaming with emos, to the point where every anime has at least one emo character. But it’s not just anime, look at the western comic or movie tradition. Still more emos!! So why are emos so damn cool and popular?

OK, now what I’m about to say is pretty theoretical, so bear with me. Before we can actually understand the innate coolness of emoism, we must first understand the properties of emoism. And what exactly are these properties? What makes an emo an emo? Emo’s are individuals who take emotionalism to an absurd degree. In the sense that they over indulge in brooding and self-pity. While normal well adjusted individuals get over life’s heart ache and pain, emo’s tend to define their existence by emotional pain and act all bitchy/weird about it. Now that we have properly diagnosed the symptoms of emoism, we shall proceed to investigate why the prospect of over emotional indulgence seems so appealing. According to my research (like i did any..lol), individuals tend to marvel at things that are uncommon. Our world is basically tirelessly redundant and predictable. If characters were like this in film, anime or theatre, they would be as interesting as you and I-yea, i know! So in order to create interesting characters, writers and story tellers create characters who are extreme in their devotion and feelings. That way the characters really stand out and grabs the audiences attention. Of course, this alone doesn’t explain why we find such characters appealing. I believe the answer lies with a sort of psychological egoism on our part. We like to think we are as deep, noble, devoted, resolute or full of conviction as our favorite characters are. It’s a blind conceit that provokes us to think we understand where the emo is coming from, because after all we hurt too..lol.. And besides self-pity and loathing is just another form of narcissism. And we tend to think that self-absorbed people must be cool, or else why would they be so into themselves?

Oh and I neglected to mention that emos tend to be mysterious and that is always appealing for us mortals. Think about it. When we meet people, we encounter individuals who are for the most part open books. There’s nothing more to them then what they present. But then the emo comes along, who is quiet and reflective. He’s so distant and aloof that you want to know what his problem is. Then as you begin to discover his true person, you become enamored by his multi-dimensionality and profound depth of being. It’s like the dude is a journey to an uncharted world that is filled with surprises as you go along this fantastical path. This is how I snag girls all the time!! So believe me it works. The only reason we despise emos in real life is because we believe they are faking it in order to seem cool. You can’t fake emo coolness. You have to be emo cool, it has to permeate your being. I’m not telling anyone to go out and start being emo, I’m just shedding some light on a phenomena that has baffled many a young men for quite some time.

I guess now you know why your female counter parts go crazy over pretty boys with chips on their shoulders. They just seem more interesting because they are outside of the norm. It’s nothing personal. You just aren’t that interesting. Cheers!

I Am G-Man!!!!!!

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11 Responses to “Guest Post by… the G Man! On EMOOOO…”  

  1. 1 LianYL 582 comments

    Okay that was quite funny.

  2. 2 Ascaloth 118 comments

    Crack. This guy is pure crack, LOL.

  3. 3 MistaYoH 30 comments

    LOL this is crack XD

  4. 4 kokanaden 258 comments

    I think the official term for emo is teen angst. Young people like emo characters because they can identify with such feelings, while many of the older ones yearn to return to the period where they were less cynical, and believed that the ideal could still be achieved.

    Good post, nice try.

  5. 5 Sylon Beta 30 comments

    If you think emo people are uncommon, you’ve been out of the company of teenagers too long. Go spend more time with them and pretty soon you’ll be screaming for some happy, happy anime where all the characters are normal.

    That said, I’ll go watch some healing anime to rid my brain of the ideas of teens slitting their wrists to get attention. I’ve encountered those.

  6. 6 Crest 13 comments

    emo is not just for the youth. the youth don’t deserve all the worship, get over it. people want old wrinkled bodies not young supple ones.

  7. 7 kokanaden 258 comments

    @Crest WTF, I’d go for Obama girl anytime.

  8. 8 exaltdragon 156 comments

    Emo is character death.

  9. 9 Zeroblade 129 comments

    I’ll have to admit, this elicited a chuckle out of me.

  10. 10 Hiyuu 37 comments

    Quote related to emo which i find amusing although unrelated,

    “I’m so emo, i could kill you.”

  1. 1 Baka-Raptor » Blog Archive » What ISN’T Emo?


Do not use any < and > for your own sake. It will end the comment there and then. Also, there is an automatic IQ filter which weeds out comments made by those who accidentally got transported from the stone age.

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