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Digging Up the Grave #1: DarkMirage was Once a Larva

LagannGurren LagannDai GurrenArk Gurren LagannDaiginga Gurren Lagann!(1 votes, average: 4 out of 5)
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This site is now rather dead. It wasn’t always dead. Like the ancient city state of Venice, it once had a golden age when merchants treated it as a trading hub, culture and entertainment were highly valued and technology was cutting edge. But with the rise of larger neighbouring countries and its own complacency, Venice fell into ruin.

Instead, now we just swish around in gondolas and pretend to be romantic.

This reminds me that I have this one regular feature I’ve always wanted to do - basically dig up old stuff from other people’s blog and laugh at it. Let’s start with easy target, DarkMirage.

DM’s archives show that his earlier entries date to November 2005. He probably started blogging before that, but did not import the entries. Like any good emo school kid of 15, he talked about girls, rock music and games. Or rather, anime girls, anime music and anime games. He used to be, or actually still is a huge Sakamoto Maaya fan, and paid lots of money to be in her fanclub officially. But since he doesn’t live in Japan, he doesn’t get to enjoy the benefits of being in her fanclub. So he just pays the money. For the sake of paying Maaya. Such a fanboy!

"I totally forgot to check Maaya’s site for her November update. I’m a failure… But anyway, here’s the latest I.D. message and translation. Needless to say, I’m ordering this through the official fanclub~" says DM.

But once he got sucked into the horrid Jason Miao’s Anime Blog Toshokan, he decided that too many people were viewing his blog for him to talk about non-anime stuff, so he officially decided to blog only anime and related issues, which was a shame as now we could not find out how his various erm xHTML courses were like.

DM’s early anime blogging set the tone for his later years. He would rarely ever praise anime, instead going the "I hate this but I must watch it to make funny comments" style. DM also thought that Shuffle! was generic harem anime. Of course, with hindsight, we now know Shuffle! anime possibly revolutionised the harem genre by introducing the pioneering sugar-coated monster girls.

At his enthusiastic larva phase, DM was very emotionally invested in his anime viewing, as can be seen by this passionate rant directed at, hold your laughter, Da Capo! "Actually, it’s because I am quite upset with the latest episode….Aisia, I know you support Kotori and I want to thank you for that. But could you please STFU and stop creating opportunities for the story to end at the current status quo. I can see it now… Little bitch Aisia causes magic sakura tree to revive and endangers Nemu’s life once more. Kotori and others once again get shoved aside by a few hundred yards while the climax plays out between Jun’ichi, Nemu, Sakura and Aisia."

But what truly made his blog rise in stock (he was still a lowly peon blogger at that time) was his "Guide to Learning Japanese", all four parts of it. It was his first post that got lots of comments and he also starting giving off the "I know Japanese" vibes, which was at that time quite rare as most bloggers were Americans who relied on subtitles. Poor Larva DM thought "P.S. I believe this has got to be the longest blog entry I have ever written… Holy shit! 6500+ words! I shall take a break from blogging for a bit." 6500 words, pfft small fry. That’s like saying, "Oh wow I have a huge 3 inch penis!"

One thing larva DM has in common with Mature DM is that they both use funny sarcastic captions for pictures. Consistency over the past 3 years! In fact, his writing style hasn’t really changed much, which is quite surprising considering bloggers are always upgrading or downgrading their writing abilities. Did you know DM’s native tongue is not English? Those people out there who only speak English and nothing else, hold your heads in shame (Yes you Narutards and Americans and Brits), DM can speak 5 languages better than you! We have his native Mandarin, English, Japanese, erm C++ and sarcasm.

How did he become so famous then? Because he was a drama queen and a powerful keyboard warrior. So that makes him something like Jeanne D’Arc online if you consider being flamed "you faggoty n00b!" the modern equivalent of burning at the stake. Knowing that fansubbers are easily riled,along with their fanatically loyal army of downloaders who worship subbers more than the actual people who made the show, he attacked groups like Doremi and Nyoron over their shitty releases, thus gaining himself a far greater readership and comment rate. Next he attacked Odex, and rallied the anime-loving troops of his nation against the evil corporation. More recently, he started to adopt a "blog popular series like Gundam and annnounce I am translator of them" approach which works well because if you were asked to pick between two anime blogs who talk about Gunda, you would surely pick the guy who did your subs.

All that helped his traffic growth, to about four times this site’s rate. But what is truly amazing is how along the way, he got himself tonnes of free hardware like PSPs, PS3s, Xbox 360s, new laptops, new mp3 players, new ipod touches (by winning computer competitions, your HP = your traffic count and he has 9999 daily), being a hip and cool fansubber (I am Gundam!), getting a black belt in wing chun boxing (like Lei from Tekken), breaking the 100m sprint record without using his Gate powers and most impressive of all, is next in line for the throne of Imperial Japan.


DarkMirage needs a rest from all his exertions.

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9 Responses to “Digging Up the Grave #1: DarkMirage was Once a Larva”  

  1. 1 Exiled_Gundam 11 comments

    Hahahaha

  2. 2 Sasa 69 comments

    My my, blogosphere postings are the big trend it seems. I’m looking forward to the next grave.

    Wait a minute… DM is not singaporean?

  3. 3 Kaioshin Sama 71 comments

    Cool Darkmirage Fanfiction….but you forgot the part that explains how Jason Miao was actually a C script Darkmirage wrote to periodically come up with blog articles for him by combining words from a database he feeds new terms to but once every 3 months. That is in fact the real origin story of Jason Miao and how Darkmirage is actually his father.

  4. 4 Exiled_Gundam 11 comments

    Eh, his pic censored already? Luckily i manage to see it b4. Not saving though (what’s the point?)

  5. 5 Panther 5 comments

    What an insight into DM’s past. And I am meeting him tomorrow. Good to know lol.

  6. 6 DrmChsr0 169 comments

    The lulz it’s killing me.

  7. 7 Kaioshin Sama 71 comments

    You know the way TJ_Han built him up I was picturing some sort of Guy Shishioh superman, but instead I get what looks like a guy that used to hang out in the library at high school with my group of friends……10 years ago. I’d censor the picture too, that way he takes on almost mythic qualities.

  8. 8 Tiny Red Man 126 comments

    ur censor sux!! at the very least, remove all the white parts surrounding ur 3 penis mascot and make it into a logo or something.

  9. 9 Epi 2 comments

    LOL awesome post. It’s funny cause I’ve been reading DM’s blog since 2005 and I’ve thought the same thing :)

Do not use any < and > for your own sake. It will end the comment there and then. Also, there is an automatic IQ filter which weeds out comments made by those who accidentally got transported from the stone age.

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