If I were Saitou, I would Pick…

Saitou from Zero no Tsukaima has the devil’s luck when it comes to getting girls, but the madman chooses to stay with Louise instead of picking the ripe fruits all falling on him. Would we do that? Let’s do a quick analysis of the pros and cons of each girl…

Louise
Pros
Tsundere
Loli (if you’re into that)

Cons
Family members are against you
Violent
Attacks your self-esteem
Jealous
Flat
Against pre-marital sex (so far at least)
Incapable of taking care of herself
Can’t cook, or do housework

Louise would be a good pick for those into S and M. Otherwise, we’ll stay away at all costs! For those who’ve never met such a girl in real life and think her acts of violence are sweet, you’ll be surprised to know that many girls are actually like that. Jealous of everything, tries to cut you away from your friends regardless of gender, her parents and family hate you, calls you names like "useless retard". Worst part is, they do that because they are so insecure, due to their not having a good body or looks. So you are getting a girl who isn’t even attractive, and still tortures you. That is dear Louise. Strange thing is, many men still just absorb all the punishment, because men have high max HP.

Siesta
Pros
Large boobies
Similar in lineage with you (Saitou)
Madly in love with you
Willing to please you
Accepting of pre-marital sex
Maid so can do the chores
Good voice

Cons

Scheming

Siesta would be quite perfect if not for the fact that she plots too much for her own good. In real life, such girls only exist if you’re bloody lucky or have ordered a mail order bride from China. China brides tend to have large breasts and can do housework and are madly in love with your money. But they too are very scheming and try to take your money. Thankfully, Siesta is in love with you (saitou) and not your money, so yah she’s quite a good pick. We’ll play naked apron all day long.

Tiffania
Pros
GIGANTIC boobies
Innocent and Sweet
Gentle

Cons
Elf
Might have back problems or sagging tits in future
Useless, clingy
Loner who isn’t used to the real world’s social interactions
Boring, Poor Conversationalist

Tiffania may seem good at first oogle, but really she has major flaws that one would notice and get pissed off after getting used to the large boobies. A good wife must be capable of taking care of herself, and Tiffania just isn’t. Sure, she has lived alone so can cook and do the chores, but that’s not what I mean. She cannot survive in human society, since she’s afraid of the difficult social interactions. She’s also the boring sort who can only talk about the same old topics and you’ll get really annoyed when you can’t discuss more intelligent stuff with her. Plus, she’s of another species altogether. I expect her to hide at home and not be capable of doing real work, which is a problem in today’s economy where you really need dual-income if you’re to live in an urban area. But of course if you’re satisfied with hiding in the countryside and playing with her gigantic tits all day, then this innocent lass is a godsend.

Tabitha
Pros
Most capable of all
Has a dragon (car)
Isn’t afraid of nudity (and hence sex I presume)

Cons
Silent
Flat
Boring

Most anime fans love silent types like Tabitha and Nagato Yuki, but in real life these girls are really hard to get along with and sometimes, very much ostracised. She has no boobs too, so it might be a problem if you’re into them. On the bright side, she has cool transport so can ferry you around, saving lots of time and money. Remember all the little guys who get driven around by their rich girlfriends’ cars? You envy them but think they are losers. Will you be one of them? She doesn’t mind standing around nude which sounds good, but what if she doesn’t mind other guys seeing her body? Ah hah!

Kirche
Pros
Slut
Busty

Cons
Slut
Too tanned

Kirche is pretty out of this season, for some reason. She’s coming back next episode together with Fire teacher though. Why would we want Kirche? Probably for a one night stand yes, but not for a real relationship. Sluts are always good to look at and maybe have a fling with, but you wouldn’t know who they’re sleeping with and what diseases they have. I don’t like her tanned skin too, it’s not my type.

Henrietta
Pros
Queen
Busty
Responsible and capable
Rich and Powerful
Interesting conversation subjects

Cons

Too busy for you
Too many inhibitions due to position

Sure it would be great to become a king but you (saitou) are a commoner (recently turned Chevalier but still) and in no way would a union between Queen H and you be permitted. She’s hot, busty, smart and everything good but like all powerful career women, way too busy to give you any time. It’ll end in divorce! You’ll also start feeling insecure and less like a man. On the bright side, you’ll be able to talk about politics, science and other interesting issues with Henrietta, which you can’t do with most other girls because all they want to do is talk about themselves or shopping.

So considering the above options (did I miss anyone?), if I were Saitou, I’ll surely pick…

Henrietta with Tiffania (w00t her cousin) as a concubine!!

What about you?

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