[LianYL] Tutorial: How To Make Any Crap Photo Look Artistic

Oh yeah, I’ve seen them all.

Obnoxious groups of smugs walking in packs with their huge ass DSLRs. Ego-brandishing eggheads flashing their oversized imaging devices around with an arsenal of unnecessary lenses that they bought just because a photography forum recommended them.

These are the upcoming bunch of photography wannabes who have absolutely no use for DSLRs, but just want one to look cool. Want to know where you can find most of them?

FETISH CLUBS ORGANISING MODEL SHOOTOUTS AND COSPLAY CONVENTIONS! Seriously, just take a look at the pictures they take. Imagine they were using not a giganormous chunk of cash, but a phone camera. Oooh, the pictures don’t look all that great anymore, eh? One has to know thy limits! Whipping out cash on something you have no idea of how to operate will not improve your photography skills!

But Lian! You’re a photography noob! They all cry out in defense.

How can you accuse us of being a bunch of superficially egoistical assholes, when you don’t even take decent photos!?

That, my friends, is the knowing of one’s limits! The epitome of such, if I might say. You don’t see me carrying around an enormous block of douche, do you?

Back to the topic here then. Most of us normal people who have the decency of knowing that it’s retarded to purchase DSLRs when you have no need for it will more than often be individuals who don’t really bother about the quality of their photos. Oh no, these are photos to be uploaded onto Facebook profiles! The humiliation! We’ve got our hands on a truckload of crappy pictures that only a thirteen-year-old would dare to display as his work.

I shall teach you the ways of PRETENSE and INABILITY!

Step 1: Take a photo. Any photo. For tutorial purposes, I have waved my phone about and randomly shot a picture.

Step 2: Turn it into grayscale in Photoshop.

Step 3: Drag the Contrast all the way to the max. Increase Brightness by 15.

Step 4: Use what I call the shaded corner layer

Step 5: Slap the layer on top of your grayscale picture!

Step 6: Reduce the layer opacity and.. HOLY PHOTONOMY! ART!


This is a depiction of the turmoils in my angsty teenage life as a churning heater fan. The world around me is boring and I am totally emo and sad, as shown By the black and white effect. The blurry photo was not due to shaky hands but was intended as a means to convey my over-exaggerated adolescent problems. I feel like the world is out to get me, so I totally vignetted the shit out of it.

You’ve just discovered the Way of Art.

10 Responses to “[LianYL] Tutorial: How To Make Any Crap Photo Look Artistic”


  • haha, churning heater fan.

    been a while

  • Oh wow, this blog isn’t dead yet?

  • THIS POST PUNCHED ME IN THE FACE OUCH!

  • Girls dont count. Girls holding anything that can shoot i.e. a camera or a gun have an instant “Awesomeness” bonus of 10. additional 20 if said item is black, bulky and has a long tube. XD
    unless they use it to take photo’s of themselve’s.

    that being said, the GWC phenomenon/fad is srsly getting annoying. i.e. carrying a d90 kit zoom around a busy shopping centre with girlfriend in tow? come on..you’re not fooling anyone..

    cosplay conventions? given the QUALITY of the cosplayers in the region..hahahah…(no offence to the elusive decent-looking ones)..

    now excuse me while i get to the nearest mall with my d09 18-209mm dangling heavily and precariously around my neck, a copy of Twilight in my left hand and a starbucks frapp in my right.

  • Ah, the ephemeral joys of ranting/rambling about life in general…

    Let’s put it this way: every time we indulge in something for us “geeks/nerds”, somebody else will turn it mainstream, and slapping it with a “hip, cool & in-the-crowd” label on it. Last I remember, anime wasn’t this prevalent, and now? Every Ah Ma, Rajeshwaran, Salim, Jeffery and all other permutations of Singapore society knows not only about anime, but watches them, knows what goes behind-the-scenes, and follow either a seiyuu or two!

    It becomes a fad, and once something turns mainstream, the subculture turns crap, and then it goes into a point of no return, and after that, it is reduced to a dwarf star, devoid of new initiates/fans because the reputation has gone the way of the dinosaurs.

    Now the GWC (guys/girls with cameras) phenomenon, let them be! The true hardcore ones are the ones who don’t buy the mid-tier camera models – or rather, they don’t advertise themselves with cameras at all! – and still produce good shit and all.

    (Actually, I’d like to go on an angry rant about Singaporeans in general, but this blog’s target audience prevents me from doing so.)

  • >>It becomes a fad, and once something turns mainstream, the subculture turns crap, and then it goes into a point of no return, and after that, it is reduced to a dwarf star, devoid of new initiates/fans because the reputation has gone the way of the dinosaurs.

    true.but i don’t think the dwarf star part is true. more likely that it gets assimilated/appropriated by the mainstream, and subsequently commercialised, and then die/forgotten. =P

    >>Every Ah Ma, Rajeshwaran, Salim, Jeffery and all other permutations of Singapore society knows not only about anime, but watches them, knows what goes behind-the-scenes, and follow either a seiyuu or two!

    but the casual/serious divide is still there.

    As for cameras, mid-tiers are actually quite good in terms of price/performance ratio. imho. the entry level ones are the worst culprits. ballast. just buy a top-tier compact with that money.

    that being said, there’s people running around with camera phones and compacts and producing insane mindblowing picchars. tl;dr it’s not the cam. it’s the head/eyes/brain behind the cam. XD

    i humbly apologise for my lack of coherence and opinion.

  • Eh that’s called vignetting.

  • Read the last paragraph.

  • hypocrisy is putting sugar in black coffee. If put enough of it, the coffee actually starts to taste good.

  • Well isn’t this the biggest gathering of pretentious douchebags on the internet!

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