Cliche Cliche? 10 Non-cliche Ways to Confess your Undying Love!

During a conversation with a love-sick friend in which I offered "advice" (lol.. advice) on how to let the girl know he wants her, the idea for this post was born.

You know how anime always has these cliches, like loveletters placed in some shoerack/deskdrawer, bentos, Valentine Chocolates etc? Now, I’m not sure if these are the usual methods by which Japanese people confess but they sure are the usual way anime characters do. And how many of these succeed? I reckon the percentage would be like.. 14%.

They don’t realise the reason for their failure is because of the utterly boring tactics applied. Be creative and daring, I say.

Check out this list I made and use these unconventional attack moves for what surely would be unexpected results. These are from the guy’s POV of course, so if you’re a girl, just change roles. Danbooru’s downage is making it a photodrought for many anime blogs. So those do bother to keep an archive are winners.

At the swimming pool together, casually remark, "I feel great being bathed in your juices." This will let her know that you enjoy her company and of course, like her. "Juices" is a powerful word. 

"Ruri, I enjoy being soaked in your juices, however dilute they are."

After sports or physical education class, casually pick up her used gym clothes and sniff it hard in front of her. Inhale with all your might and say, "Mmmm the scent of a woman in heat." This informs the female that you have the intention of mating and that the season is here. "Kou no tsuki"as they say on Chimera. Note that the phrase "in heat" is the emphasis here, so you can use this move anywhere. For example, walk into the same room as her and say, "I smell a woman in heat!". It works on 99% of the world’s living organisms.

When your class teacher (assuming you and the loved one are in the same class) ask for your career aspirations, shout, "MY GOAL IS TO MAKE MANY MANY BABIES WITH (insert name of girl)!!" Make sure everyone hears it clearly and then look at the girl with widened eyes and breathe very heavily. Add some snorting noises for better effect. She’ll realise how daring, bold and far-sighted you are, with great plans for the future.

Use the power of art to spread the message. From your local art supplies store, purchase spray paint. Lots of it. Then using information about her favourite haunts, frequently taken routes and home address, paint pretty prettty (optional though) pictures of you and her in suggestive positions. This is much clearer and conveys more emotion than a mere bento or loveletter. After all, a picture’s worth a thousand words. You could caption the paintings too, like "You and I, forever, together!!!111oneoneone". Ah, romantic.

When queuing up for food at the cafeteria during lunch, be sure to stand right behind the girl. When it’s your turn and she’s about to leave the counter, announce your choice of food loudly. "I want (insert name of girl). I love her so much." So so simple, you don’t even have to make your own bento. The best part about this method is, she can’t really run away fast because she’s carrying a tray of food while you’re still empty handed (for now).

Remember how some love-sick guys try to be unique and hire thugs to harrass the girl so they can be a knight in shining armour? Cliche. I suggest the Stockholm syndrome instead. You kidnap the girl personally and lock yourselves together in a small room. Proceed to pour out tragic stories of your past. (this sounds quite creepy even by the standards of this post).

On the way home is a golden opportunity.

Get a load of super glue, pour it all over your right hand and with lightning quick movements, grab her left hand. Shake a bit of the superglue instant hardener (available at all hardwarestores) on and voila! You guys are together forever. This works on the principle of arranged marriages. Sometimes, there isn’t a choice so you live with what you have and in the process, discover great points about each other.


Now for an advanced technique. The male tsundere. Be mean, very mean, to the target. Accuse her of being a pervert and beat the shit out of her. Gather a bunch of docile guys and pay them to act as though they like the target as well.  Soon, the target will be only attracted to you due to the law of tsunderenism.

Get her a credit card and say, "The credit limit of this card is less than the love I have for you." Remember to set a decent amount though. Preferably unlimited. The girl will now realise now you are willing to make great sacrifices for her and you respect her freedom as well.

This method results in instant success. It’s proven!

Sculpt a figurine of the girl and give it as a gift. Perfect for letting her know you take notice of her appearance and are constantly observing her in an artistic sense. Be sure to add in lots of love during the moulding process. After all, Azuma Kazuma’s feelings can be transmitted through his bread, so why can’t yours?

So that’s 10 creative and totally passionate ways to go about igniting the romance of the century. Please do try it and email me the results so I can finetune this list. Also, I take no responsibility for any arrests, Personal Protection Orders, expulsions, suspensions or brutal beatings incurred from the use of the above tactics.

Now I feel great because I have helped love-sick men in their path to success.

35 Responses to “Cliche Cliche? 10 Non-cliche Ways to Confess your Undying Love!”

  • For fucks sake i hope your kidding.. please GOD tell me your kidding with this!

    if you aren’t, you sir are a fuckin retard. Do ANY of these and the girl will feel like you want her solely for her body, and your embarrassing the shit out of her in most. I mean God damn!!! “kidnap her” “beat the shit out of her’ what kind of sick perverted dumb ass are you? Do you want a girl to love you just be cause shes afraid that shell be physically abused if she didn’t? Super glue your hands together? because ripping the first six layers of skin off your hands is SUCH a bonding experience.
    -.- like seriously i face palmed so hard to this

    • It’s a joke lol. That’s why he wrote (lol..advice) in the top part of the post

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