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n00blet’s Guide to Talking like an Otaku in 10(TEN) Minutes!

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For people who feel inadequate and want a quick-fix solution to feel hip and cool in this otaku world, look no further! By the end of this post, you’ll have the equipment to mingle around with the world’s most elite anime connoisseurs without feeling out of place or embarrassing anyone.

Let’s start with the proper way to introduce yourself. In all conversations related to anime, the inevitable "So what’s your favourite?" question pops up. What you answer is so crucial, it can either impress deeply or get you labelled some unsavory nickname like Narutard. Naturally, an esoteric series should be your pick. Otherwise, a moderately popular well-received series would do. Of course, just the name of the series won’t do, as you are expected to elaborate and explain why you picked it. Go over to the useful Anime News Network and memorise everything you need to know.

Now for some practice. Two fictitious guys, YY and PP.

YY: So, PP, what’s your favourite series?
PP: I can’t really decide from the 400 or so that I’ve seen but if I really have to, I’ll say Earth Girl Arjuna.
YY: Er why’s that? (this guy is a bit impressed because he hasn’t watched Arjuna yet)
PP: Oh I like the environmental themes and the Mononoke-hime vibes I got from it. The similarity to Macross Zero was also enjoyable.
YY: *thinks to himself* wow this guy is an expert.

Get it? If not, here’s the wrong way.

YY: So, PP, what’s your favourite series?
PP: Naruto! I like this new anime called Bleach too.
YY: C’mon man! Naruto is shit and so is Bleach. Stupid shonen mainstream crap! There are a lot of better stuff around, like Haruhi.
PP: fuck you nerd! Naruto is the best. There’s so much intelligently planned out action, deep story and touching romance! It’s the best anime ever!
YY: *thinks to himself* the mindset of the mainstream anime viewer. I am so great.

In other words, do not admit you like shounen. It’s ok to like stupid harem like Love Hina or even dirty dirty Yakin Byoutou. But if you want to be part of the anime-viewing aristocracy, pick the right shows to wear the badge of. For me, I have always said Last Exile and Gatekeepers and now Ghost in the Shell SAC. Others like Jpmeyer goes with Sakura Taisen and Pretty Cure, Darkmirage has his Maiotome DVD specials and Jason has Shana and AMG.

Use the buzzwords. Rather than saying "Keiichi", use "K1". Since 1 = Ichi in Japanese, get it? Use acronyms as well. You don’t see net-savvy people reading out URLS with "H T T P COLON SLASH SLASH W W W DOT R I U V A DOT COM". It’s also advisable to use the Japanese slang words. You don’t want to go like "huh?" when people say, "ZOMG, that tsundere meganekko is so moe!" But do not ever replace English words with Japanese equivalents as this makes you a big wannabe. Practice time!

FYG: Oohh Kawaii!!
Human: What is that?
FYG: Oh it is cute in Japanese.
Human: You need to die.

That was the negative example. Now for the correct one.

JP: I love the Haruhi’s tsundereness.
TJ: I love the Yuki’s Mukuchi.
JP: Mukuchi is overrated, they are just Rei clones.
TJ: In real life, the Tsun Tsun component of tsundere would irk everyone.
JP: Yeah but deredere is the win! Along with burning passion and moe! You lolicon hikikomori.

Memorise the staff names. This is pretty difficult so when you can churn out names like ANN, people will naturally think you are the king of anime. You just need to choose a few names to pretend with. Most people do not bother with the cast and staff so you’ll seem a level above them.

TSU: Woah Hirano Aya did another role, this time as Youko’s seiyuu in School Rumble Season 2.
DM: Yes, there are other changes in cast, such as MAKO taking over the role of Karen.
TsU: MAKO also voiced Yurie in Kamichu.
DM: Saitou Chiwa was Tama, the cat in Kamichu. She was also Anita King of ROD the TV, Becky of Pani Poni Dash, Natsumi of Keroro Gunsou and Kosuna of Sunabouzu.
TSU: Speaking of Natsumi, I heard Tomino is taking a very active role in the production of Keroro Gunsou.
DM: Well, the use of four chief writers for the varying episode styles struck me as very unique. Like one of them is TJ’s favourite Yamaguchi Hiroshi who also wrote Gatekeepers and GK 21.

The conversation above reeks of Otakuism. Try it!

Make references to old or obscure stuff. The trick is to pretend you have a rich heritage and wide range of anime experience. Slamming new shows also adds credibility to you, as you will seem like a hard-boiled seasoned veteran and not a starry-eyed new digital age convert.

Gari: Woah woah this new episode of Haruhi is just like the great Battleship Yamato days.
Skant: Yeah I missed the good old days when anime wasn’t so manufactured and formulaic.
Gari: Back in the days of Maison Ikkoku and Ranma, we never did have these silly fanservice.

Truth is of no concern.

Look down on people. It can be for whatever reason. Examples include a limited anime viewing range, lack of knowledge (even if you don’t have any too) etc. As long as you are the one looking down, they have to look up. Check out these model statements.

PH: Man I hate these Honey and Clover fanboys who are ruining the show with their silly shallow fanboying.
DRM: Oh ROFL I can’t believe you haven’t watched EVA? n00b.
Hin: As an ex-fansubber I can tell you what goes on behind the scenes.

Finally, let’s end off with some homework. By now you should, if not originally, be able to do some Otaku l33t speak and avoid being typecast into what that Whai Whai calls the "Mainstream anime fan" (lol). I challenge you to answer the following questions.

What is your favourite series?
What do you think about  Bleach?

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29 Responses to “n00blet’s Guide to Talking like an Otaku in 10(TEN) Minutes!”  

  1. 1 Tsubaki 518 comments

    HAHAHAHA, SHIT U GOT ME LAUGHING. Entertaining value 10

    And here’s my homework, sir:

    1. BLEACH AND NARUTO!
    2. IT’S TEH BEST!!!!11ONEONEONEELVEVENTYELEVEN.

  2. 2 Alafista 45 comments

    My favrouite series is Cowboy Bebop and Faye is voiced by Megumi Hayashibara .. wheeeeeeeeeee

    I dun think Bleach is that back … I just feel that Bleach is very limited in terms of potential for characters growth … and has the stench of commericalization …. unlike One Piece (okay … I admit I’m a fanboy for One Piece) … but hey … I betcha most of us started and grew into hardcore insane watchers by watching mainstream anime in the first place …

    Then how do u define mainstream in the first place?
    Many n00bs watch it?
    Works of Miyazaki are dinfately watched by millions of the general public but I think his works are uber classics…

  3. 3 tj_han 1439 comments

    I don’t dislike Bleach and Naruto. Ala doesn’t get the joke!

    In fact I just bought the latest manga volumes of them both.

  4. 4 mt-i 8 comments

    What is your favorite show?
    Probably Haibane Renmei. I love how it succesfully conveys the artistic merits of ABe’s original doujinshi, as well as the pressing religious subtext, which is spiritually on par with, if not deeper than, say, Oshii’s Angel’s Egg. Plus, I get moe overloads from tsubasakko’s.

    What do you think of Bleach?
    I usually dispense from watching shows aimed at mindless midschoolers, and can only resent their popularity among a more mature audience when anime graces us with many pieces considerably fitter to meet an adult’s expectations (even though they be of sex and violence, in which case we may as well turn to the likes of Urutsukidoji, that are at least directed at the proper demographic). Moreover, series running for hundreds of episodes are bound to jump the shark soon enough (save, of course, for such outstanding examples as LoGH, but that was not TV) that I do not see the need of including them in my very busy watching schedule.

    [I should mention that, being a pretentious elitist bastard, I actually do think quite a bit like the above :-)]

  5. 5 Hinano 112 comments

    1. Trouble Chocolate for the win!!111 xD
    2. Bleach sux! Naruto’s better! lol 8D

    lmao I’m so special I made your “l33t speak” list. :lol:

  6. 6 Xak 72 comments

    1. No although I like Mai Otome it ain’t worthy of being top. That position has so far always been taken by Mai HiME. Good pacing, relatively extensive characterisation and likable characters made it fun and exciting to watch. Only lacking in the undertones department, which would go, as mt-i said, to Haibane Renmei.

    2. Bleach did 1 good thing: it transformed me into a rabid anime fan. I still haven’t found the desire (and the ability and permission) to repeat my 39 episode overnight marathon of Bleach for any other series. Though I have sacrificed sleep for other series I haven’t had the chance to further my personal record. And I don’t think I’m capable of repeating it anyway. But Bleach is now at the bottom of my watching list. It’s still enjoyable but there just are too many better shows out there to watch. Like Simoun and Strawberry Panic (I love yuri; Yami to Boushi to Hon no Tabibito was my first anime off TV).

  7. 7 Tsubaki 518 comments

    Noting how people here actually don’t catch jokes, I better answer the questions correctly:

    1. Mai-HiME. The only anime that I have rewatched more than 3 times and still not get bored by it.
    2. Was fantastic before those filler arcs. I want my Aizen arc now, before I return to becoming a bleachtard.

  8. 8 Mark 5 comments

    Fun to read for the bored or those who never understood this before. ;P

    Although, you kinda figure it out the first time you see it. Eg. you’re on IRC and a mainstream fanboy appears and then everyone’s completely hostile towards then and you think to yourself ‘there’s no way I’m gunna be like this guy’ or if people randomly add names of anime cast into conversations you start to feel some respect for them since it sounds like they know what they’re talking about.

    But, if I saw a conversation just about cast members that went on for a while I’d probably start to think they’re too obsessive or just trying to show off and that would reduce any respect.

    In regards to the looking down on people thing, it depends on the circumstances. When it comes to complete ‘anime noobs’ then they’ll look up to ‘hardcore anime fans’ for basically no reason but people who look down on others for no reason are really irritating, especially when they don’t do it properly. eg. if someone applied the EVA example to some other anime I haven’t seen then the sentence would seem too stupid for me to give a damn about.

    Also, if I’d heard, and knew a bit about it, then I’d either tell them that I do’t care as I can watch it whenever I want or something along the lines of “Correct. Mind telling me whether you’ve seen [random, good, old/rare anime here]?” and then they’d be the one feeling stupid.

    Oh yeah, it isn’t smart to try something like that on someone who’s better at comebacks than you are unless you’re absolutely certain of what you’re doing. ^^

    The ‘use of Japanese words that exist in the English language’ thing works better if you mix it with use of Japanese characters and ‘looking down on others’. Example:

    Person#1: Take a look at this pic: [URL]
    Person#2: かわいい~
    Person#1: WTF?
    Person#2: It means cute. You didn’t know that? *astonished*
    Person#1: No…
    Person#2: I suppose you aren’t as fanatical about Japanese culture as you let on.. -__-

    Time to answer your questions:

    1. I haven’t actually found any anime I like far more than any others in order to label one/two as a personal favourite but using a random example I’d say it like this:

    “Probably Eureka Seven. It’s blend of drama, mecha, romance and sci-fi is exceptionally done and makes it highly enjoyable all the way through. The plot has various mysteries for the intellectual and has a couple of unexpected twists to hold your intrigue. Besides, Eureka is really cute and hoverboarding mechs kick ass.”

    Well something like that. ^^

    2. I think that the manga form of bleach was okay. Not bad but nothing all that good either. When it comes to the anime, I can’t help but think the only reason it’s there is to take the Naruto fanboys’ mind off of creating some kind of ninja cult.

  9. 9 Os 60 comments

    “Gari: Back in the days of Maison Ikkoku and Ranma, we never did have these silly fanservice.
    Truth is of no concern.”

    Win.

  10. 10 ubu 21 comments

    1. Melancholy of Haruhi Suzimaya, because I’m a sucker for something that can mix science-fiction, sarcasm, moë, high-school, philosophy, and a touch of slapstick, while not coming off as totally unfocused.

    2. I don’t know, and I don’t care. I never what what the current fad is.

    (That was humor, for those that don’t get it.)

  11. 11 ubu 21 comments

    Um, it was also a typo…

  12. 12 tj_han 1439 comments

    For those newer to this site, whenever the title contains a “10(TEN)”, it means the entire post is firmly tongue-in-cheek. So do not actually use this..

    Think of it as Ghost in the Shell SAC’s Standalone or Complex type episodes, or even 2nd Gig’s Dividual, Individual and Dual.

    And Mark, anyone who mixes up Japanese without being a native speaker is a retard. There isn’t really an exception to this. Person 2 in your conversation is still a retard even if he is using hiragana.

  13. 13 LianYL 778 comments

    1. tjhan’s hot gay bartxaks.
    2. I don’t drink chlorox.

  14. 14 IvanHoeHo 5 comments

    Must….have….more….T2…..

  15. 15 Skane 57 comments

    What is your favourite series?
    Futakoi Alternative
    What do you think about Bleach?
    “You got the power!”
    *guitar strumming*

  16. 16 Impzie 21 comments

    1. favourite series: Midori no hibi. I like midori cos she’s cute and all that. Who cares about the plot? bwhahaha xD

    2. HUH? HUH??? hUH???? (eyeshield 21’s huh brothers).

  17. 17 Quajafrie 7 comments

    What is your favorite series? -Noein, for eternity.
    What do you thing about Bleach? -Boring as hell.

  18. 18 CDan 16 comments

    1) My favorite series? I share your passion for LASTEXILE. Altghough Gankutsuou is a close 2nd.

    2) I haven´t seen it…. I don´t dislike mainstream series, but I get itred of 26 episodes series… except for EUREKA, GitS, FMA, BLOOD.

  19. 19 Mark 5 comments

    tj_han: I know Person#2 would be a retard for actually doing it but those who think they look cool may want to look cool in front of the ones new to the Otaku-ish world. o_O

    On the other hand, everyone else will realise what he’s doing so there’s no point to it. :P
    I know this post wasn’t meant to be serious, I’ve been following RIUVA for a while. The thing is, I come across as being serious whenever I comment on blogs even though I’m usually not being serious… which is why I don’t comment very often. I come across better in IRC for some reason… :/

  20. 20 Kabitzin 94 comments

    This list is hilarious!

    1. DBZ, the character development is deep and believable.
    2. Watching 1go’s (does anyone call him “1go”?) struggles with his inner demon make me appreciate how complex this series is.

  21. 21 Neohybrid_kai 18 comments

    well.. I read Naruo for formality and help me to socialize with the mainstream community, lol. I dont read Bleach, tough.
    My favorite series would be AIR, off course. You can’t live without them (no pun intended) Nihaha
    And what do you think about Bleach?
    oh, ichigo is manly, dont you think? and he’s got a long sword if I remember correctly, lol

  22. 22 Alafista 45 comments

    oh man … how come i didn’t get the joke … maybe i’m not artsy enough

  23. 23 AeroFlare™ 4 comments

    What is your favourite series?
    Ranma ½ with Love Hina following closely behind…

    What do you think about Bleach?
    Long-winded and boring… (That filler arc)

  24. 24 extraclassiclite 1 comment

    1. As the president of an anime club anything I name will automatically be better than your favorite series, so it doesn’t really matter.

    2. You seem to be confusing me with somebody who isn’t the president of an anime club.

    Great stuff.

  25. 25 sentinel011 33 comments

    Azumanga and Ichigo mashimaro FTW, not to mention Blood

  26. 26 wontaek 8 comments

    1. What is your favourite series?

    Hmm, there are many starting with Urusei Yatsura, Laputa, and Touch. Of more recent ones, Saiunkoku Monogatari. Koi Kaze is my guilty pleasure. I have been watching animes since 1976 and there are just too many animes to name one favourite.

    2. What do you think about bleach?

    Properly used, it can do wonders for various cleaning projects in your house. Use too much, it can ruin fabric and plastics. Use caution when you have to use them to clean your water tanks and bottles. Also … huh? We are not talking about bleach, but Bleach? What difference does capital B makes?

  27. 27 sesshomaru_haku 31 comments

    1. What is your favourite anime?

    Would be Gundam SEED Destiny. Yes I know everyone says they hate Fukada, but imo he did a pretty good job. Maybe I’m just weird. And I love Rey.

    2. What do you think of Bleach?

    The SS arc was excellent. Then it went downhill. Now it is of somewhat-above-average standard. The fillers are crap (obviously). And the characters sometimes sprout too much dramatic shit. Overall I don’t mind.

  28. 28 ryuk 1 comment

    this is my HW
    1.My favorite anime is problably My-Hime because it provides classic romance, comedy, and action I just wish there was more male involvement.

    2.Bleach is an okay show to watch if your bored on Saturday night watching adult swim i still watch it though because i watch and finish every anime i start no matter what

  1. 1 First Anniversary GO! Warning, Long Post Ahead with Sentimentalism! at Riuva : Research Institute for Unicultural Visual Arts


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